A Real Life Stag Story About A Boy Named Higgs
Since I've started writing for Stagparty.ie I've received some fan emails about some ideas for articles to write, how they can relate with the 8 types of lads on a stag, and how they gained so much from 6 things you learn about yourself on a stag weekend. But recently I received an email from a guy who was just on what he described as the worst stag party ever. I asked if I could share his story with all stagparty.ie readers. He agreed but asked not to have his real name used for obvious reasons. We don't want anyone getting in trouble. So for the purpose of this story we'll call our guy 'Higgs'.
Our man Higgs describes himself as an outgoing type of guy, enjoys being included in speeches, highly active and enjoys a few drinks. So when he was asked to go along to a friends stag party, he thought to himself. A weekend away with a bunch of lads, great activites surely and plenty of drink to forget about going back to work on Monday. Brilliant!
First thing Higgs did was book a half day on the Friday and the following Monday off to really go all out on this stag weekend. Higgs explained how excited he was about this stag party weekend as he's also engaged and looking at what he'll do for his own stag party. He saw it as opportunity to see what he'd like or dislike on his own stag. Little did he know that he was in for his worst weekend away in his life.
The location of the stag was kept secret until the week of the stag, the best man thought it would add to the excitement. When the location was revealed, Higgs explained how he felt deflated after finding out it was his home town..."Rob...I felt deflated!". Higgs said that he always had great bouncebackability and thought to himself I'll just make the best of situation as I can.
Arriving in the location on the Friday to meet all the guys in one of the local pubs seemed like a promising start. Everyone to meet here he thought with lads coming from all over the country, few drinks then into town for the night. Solid start makes sense. The best man arrived, with a bag in hand. Higgs described how he couldn't hide his giddiness as he thought the bag contained some humiliating and embarrassing outfit or mankini that the stag would have to wear around his home town and in his own local. As the best man opened the bag, Higgs sat at the edge of his seat, only for the best man to take out some banners and bunting with 'stag party' written on them. Higgs, slightly infuriated, asked what's that for to which the best man replied 'Sure we're having the stag party here for the night'!!
Higgs lost it, this is the grooms stag party, and we are having it in his shagging local, where he comes most weekends and will continue to do. Could you not have at least organised something in town he said. The best man explained that he had left it last minute and decided the to plan it all himself. Higgs said he should have left then and there but he's a good friend and stayed for the groom but was worried that this weekend may not live up to expectation he had hoped.
When the groom arrived, all the lads welcomed him with open arms. Open drunk arms as he had showed up late. As all lads do, when he arrived, they were offering him drinks left, right and centre. Higgs said he was shouting at him what he wanted as he was on rounds. What the groom responded with, Higgs could only describe it as aural diarrhea. The stag explained that he wasn't drinking for the weekend. Higgs said he died a little inside as the stag explained that he always does a dry November. Higgs had a couple of more pints, and walked home to his parents as soon as the bar closed. It was 12.30...12.30 he thought and I'm in bed and it's a stag weekend.
When Higgs woke up Saturday morning, fresher than expected, he had a renewed enthusiasm about what this stag party weekend might bring. There was mini bus hired and it was to bring the party to a few activities during the day. All the lads met at the stags house to get the bus. The bride-to-be was there, which Higgs thought , and is dead right, should be no where near the stag party. The lads boarded the bus, a few with cans, but Higgs had a hip flask of whiskey in case of emergency. Something told him he might need it. He didn't have to wait to long. Before everyone could leave the stag's uncle boarded the bus. The stag's Uncle is priest and felt compelled to make sure everyone was blessed before going out on a day of stag party activities. Higgs after being blessed, whipped out the hip flask and down the whiskey and insisted that a stop at an offy will be essential.
The bus took them to their first activity. All the lads thought it could be paintball, karting or a beer tasting. Instead it was to local junior B football team's away game, in a crappy country GAA club with no facilities other than a green pre fab and a white bar fence around the pitch to lean against. Higgs said he fought back the tears as he didn't get to the offy yet. As soon as the 6 point a piece thriller had ended Higgs rushed back on the bus and it was straight to the offy. Then onto the next activity which was a bit of food they were told. Higgs found himself back outside the stags house... the only upside if you'd call it was the local chipper had provided the food.
After all was eaten, a few beers went down the hatch and it was off to town. There was no table booked in a pub, it was just hope to find a pub that wasn't rammed full on a Saturday night. Best of luck on that crusade he thought. Eventually, the party found a place to drink and for Higgs to drown his sorrows. He had gone to the local for quiet night before, gone to a shit game, after being blessed by a very handsy priest and now was in a pub packed to the rafters and the stag wasn't even drinking. Then out of no where, Higgs described how he was in disbelief..."I was in disbelief"...The stag's mother showed up!! The stag's mother was on the stag party. A party that is meant to be a night of debauchery and drinking and his Mam was on the party. Higgs then doubled what he was drinking.
When Higgs decided to make his way to the club, he was met with a bouncer that didn't want anything to do with him and refused him entry into the club. The bouncer said he hated Leeds united and that anyone that looks like Ian Harte ain't getting into this club. Higgs at this stage was a broken man, he didn't even put up a fight, he just grabbed a munch and made his way home. As he lay in bed, he contemplated how poor a stag party this truly was. He thought his own will be better and that this night can't get any worse. He spoke to soon as the mixture of drink and the dodgy late night takeaway meant that poor auld Higgs would be spending his night by the toilet bowl and wake up a significantly lighter individual.
When Higgs arose Sunday morning, he was overcome with anger! He was going to salvage his weekend, by any means. He dragged out all the lads to start the day with super Sunday on TV. Higgs said he was drinking with the sole ambition to get drunk and to try and wipe the memory of the last 2 days from his mind. He was determined to go to a strip club and also get the stag a stripper..."I wanted to go to a strip club" he wrote in his email. Higgs got everyone to the local strip club. Let's just say it's no spearmint rhino and the girls have seen better days. He thought this weekend was taking a turn in the right direction. There was finally a bit of banter being had when Higgs decided to drunkenly compete with a stripper to prove he was as both agile and talented as the lovely lady herself. Higgs did mention his sporting prowess with being a puc fada champion and keen cyclist. Unfortunately his performance concluded with a very clumsy handstand, where he accidentally kicked the stripper in the head and knocked her clean out. He hadn't hit something that hard since the puc fada championship. She was fine, and there were no serious consequences.
The next thing Higgs remembers is waking up, hungover and his wallet missing. The wallet was probably with his dignity, gone! He boarded the bus back to the big smoke, a broken man both physically and emotionally. He vowed that no one should ever have to go on a stag weekend like that. That's why he decided to share his story and make sure no other person goes through that. His advice is not to let a dope of a best man organise a stag party but to let the like of StagParty.ie ensure great activities, games, locations and clubs. View more