The Stag Party Football Team
I’m not going to lie lads. I’m huge a sports nut and when I’m not in the office, I’m either watching, reading about or playing sport. So, it struck me over the weekend if a Stag Party was a Football team. What would each position mean or contribute to the Stag Party weekend. Here’s my starting eleven for the Stag Party Football Team. It’s a 4-4-2 of course!
We’ll start with the man minding the net. Typically a big guy with a very safe pair of hands. He’ll save guys from making a total arse of themselves when he can. But, more importantly, those safe pair of hands will come in handy getting the rounds in the pub on the stag party weekend. No one wants to see any dropped pints.
As Carragher once said on Monday night football. Most left backs are failed wingers. We’ve all played with a left back who loves to bomb on, (with ball or pint in hand), when he can and leave the rest of us wondering where he’s off too. He’s the guy in your stag party group that will go missing at varying points on a night out. However, it’s this sense of football and drinking adventure that will lead to one or two moments of magic on the stag weekend.
Our first centre back is the enforcer. On a stag this is more than likely the Best Man. He’s the one dictating the pace, when to go for the stag party activity and ensuring all stag party drinking rules are being adhered too. You don’t want to cross this guy on the stag. You could end up having to do a forfeit.
The second of our centre backs is another big lump. You won’t see him move much. In fact he’s usually the guy who takes the one step forward to play guys offside. Or, takes a step to avoid one of the lads vomiting on the stag party. He’s a smart football player and a smart drinker. He’ll be consistent throughout the entire stag party weekend session. You’ll never see him without a pint.
He sits quietly in the corner not particularly doing much. Both on the pitch and in the pub. He’ll tip away with the pints over the course of the stag. Not really bringing huge attention to himself. But don’t under estimate this guy. He’ll have your back and possibly get you out of jail a few times on the pitch, on a night out and will probably be the guy who brings your drunk ass home at the end of the night. Solid player, solid drinker and solid lad!
We’re into the midfield!
With any good winger. You have to have speed. This guy will be racing up and down the pitch all day in a brave attempt to some how unlock his inner Ryan Giggs. This guy on the stag party will also bring that speed and pace to his drinking. We all know someone that fly’s through pints on a night out. Only time will tell how he’ll get on over the course of the stag weekend. Nonetheless, he’ll bring excitement and energy to the stag and that’s a big plus in my books.
He makes sure nothing gets past him on a Stag weekend. Lads don’t get to go on walkabout or decide to do their own thing. It’s a stag weekend after all. During an actual match he always seems to be the guy who gets a head on it. He’ll also be the one who puts his head in a dangerous areas. He puts his body on the line for his mates and if that means downing a record number of shots. Or even trying one of ridiculous Stag Vs Food challenges he’ll do it.
The attacking midfield in the stag party football team is a key position. He pops up all across the park with some delightful touches to help everyone. He also jumps in with a few brilliant jokes or put downs. Because we all mock each other. And of course he’s some man for a drinking game. His attacking midfielder mindset sets him in the go hard or go home frame of mind. He’ll have all the stag party games and will be the reason the stag party is motoring all through the weekend.
On the pitch he steps back inside and takes shots from everywhere. On the stag party weekend…he steps back inside and takes shots from everywhere!
This striker is a bit of hit with the ladies. On and off the pitch he’s a bit flashy and always thinks he’s a hit with the ladies. Actually he’ll have more interest in the women then pints when he gets to the club. An all round talent who can score from anywhere and go toe-to-toe with any guy drinking.
Lastly, our final striker and captain, has to be the Stag himself really. It is his stag party weekend after all. Like any good striker he just bangs in the goals. Nothing flashy just gets them in any way he can. And, like any good groom on his stag party weekend he’ll have to bang in pint after pint after pint. In anyway he can. Because he’s in for one hell of weekend with the lads.
So there you have it lads. The starting eleven for the Stag Party Football Team! What formation and tactics that you chose for the stag party weekend is all up to you. But, I’d take the attacking midfielders mindset. Go hard or go home!
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