Best Man Jokes

Best Man Jokes

Best Man Jokes

The Best Man Duties reads a pretty long list. There is a lot more to do that just organise the stag party and write a speech. But the reality is that of all the best man duties there are, you’ll probably end up freaking out and sweating the most about the speech.

The best man speech for some people is a very daunting task. It’s not that they have anything nice to say about the couple but it’s simply the fact of standing up in front of loads of strangers and speaking is a scary thought. As with any speech it’s always good to have a few ice breaker jokes to lighten the mood. So we’ve put together some of our favourite best man jokes for you to use in your speech.

Start of the Speech

  • When John asked me to be his best man, he told me that he expected me to make a traditional speech to the bride and groom. No worries I thought but he forget to mention the hundred other people that would be present.
  • Good Afternoon/Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. I won’t lie I’m am little nervous right now. As the people sitting next to me will testify, you can really smell the fear.
  • My name is Rob and I’m the best man. It really is impossible to praise the groom too highly. In fact, while writing this speech, I found it impossible to praise him at all.
  • Hi everyone, my name is Rob. I’m the lad that John asked to be his helper and right hand man over the preparatory months and concluding day of his wedding celebrations. But I tell ya this, he’s on his own tonight!
  • Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. I apologize in advance for not being a public speaker. If you see me looking down at this piece of paper again and again, it’s not actually my notes, it’s a picture of the massive drink I’m going to have as soon as this is over.
  • Good Evening family and friends. I’m so happy to preside over the only 5 minutes the bride didn’t plan.
  • I read somewhere that a best man speech shouldn’t take any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Murphy.

During the Speech

  • Now it’s time for a little participation from the bride and groom. Mary, if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table. Now John, if you would place your hand directly on top of Mary’s. Make the most of it, lad. That’s the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand.
  • Mary, you’re a wonderful woman, who deserves a wonderful husband. And I’m not going to rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.
  • John is the most generous friend anyone could ask for. Here is a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. Magnanimous should be his middle name. He’ll do anything for me or anyone. He even wrote a section of this speech.
  • I’d like to wish you a very happy marriage, and a memorable honeymoon. If anyone wants to know the proper definition of a honeymoon, it’s that brief but cherished period between ‘I do’ and ‘You’d better

Closing the Speech

  • If you could keep the clapping and yelling to a minimum today, I would appreciate it as I have a horrible hangover. I know it’s irresponsible to drink before such a big occasion, but I couldn’t let the groom drink alone.
  • Today John you marry Miss right but as you know her ‘always’.
  • I leave you with this thought John for marriage, the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • Remember John, that it doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.


Hopefully these best man jokes will help you deliver the a fantastic best man speech. Finally, if there is anything else we can help. Don’t hesitate to contact us!



So lads, don’t forget to check out our website and also follow us on Facebook if you’re looking for more information for your Stag Party. Whether it’s activities, locations, ideas or tips, we’ve got it all!

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