Smashing the Best Man Speech
So, your mate popped the question, the bride said yes, and now he’s only gone and asked you to be the best man. First of all, fair play. You’ve been handed one of the greatest honours known to lad-kind. But with great power comes great responsibility. You’ve got two big missions: plan an epic stag party and deliver a best man speech that doesn’t make your mam cringe. Or his mam cringe. Yeah, don’t offend his mam.
Now, we’ve already sorted you with everything you need to know about the big stag. Maybe you’re heading for a stag party in Galway full of wild nightlife and riverside pints, or a classy stag party in Kilkenny with its old-school pubs and banter. But now that the stag’s sorted, it’s time to talk about the speech.
Preparing Your Best Man Speech Without Losing the Plot
Alright, first things first: don’t panic. We are here to help write your best man speech. Everyone dreads public speaking, and you’ll probably sweat buckets just thinking about it. But with a bit of preparation and a couple of solid jokes, you’ll be grand. You just really can’t skip the preparation part. Trust us, you’re not going to have a good time if you wing it on the night.
The best man speech is your time to shine. It’s your moment to take the room on a little journey. Hopefully, you’ll get a few laughs, maybe a tear or two, and a strong finish. It’s not a Netflix special, so don’t try to be too clever. Just be yourself, tell some cracking stories, and show your mate and his missus some proper love.
Here’s what the best man speech must include:
- A few well-aimed jokes about the groom
- A big nod to the bride (she deserves more than just a one-liner)
- A thank you to both sets of parents and the guests
- Some heartfelt stuff about your friendship
- A toast to the couple
Remember to keep the in-jokes to a minimum. You’re not playing to a private audience. His mam is probably sitting at the top table. And her mam. And both of them probably have aunts named Mary who are very easily offended. Also, everyone should understand what you’re saying. Though to be fair, it’s fine if a line or two goes over Aunt Mary’s head.
Opening Lines for a Best Man Speech That Actually Work
Reeling the crowd in from the start is key. You’ve got to break the ice. Now pay attention to our wording there, we said break. We don’t want you to smash it to bits. Here are a few tried-and-tested openers:
- ‘Good evening, everyone. I’d like to apologise in advance — not for the speech, but for the amount of pints the groom and I had at his stag party in Galway. If this speech trails off, it’s because I’m still recovering.’
- ‘When John asked me to be his best man, I thought, “Wow, what a moment.” Then I realised he only asked me after his three cooler mates said no. But here we are.’
- ‘I read somewhere that the best man speech should be as long as the groom takes to make love. So, I’ll keep this under two minutes.’
- ‘I’m honoured to be the best man today. And also shocked. Mostly shocked that I’m sober enough to read this after the stag party in Kilkenny.’
Jokes to start off your best man speech
As long as it is well-intentioned, you can’t go wrong with starting off your best man speech with a joke. Here are some of our favourites.
- ‘When John asked me to be his best man, he told me that he expected me to make a traditional speech to the bride and groom. No worries, I thought, but he forgot to mention the hundred other people that would be present.’
- ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I won’t lie, I’m a little nervous right now. As the people sitting next to me will testify, you can really smell the fear.’
- ‘My name is Rob and I’m the best man. It really is impossible to praise the groom too highly. In fact, while writing this speech, I found it impossible to praise him at all.’
- ‘Good evening, family and friends. I’m so happy to preside over the only 5 minutes the bride didn’t plan.’
The Golden Rules of Best Man Banter
You’re not doing stand-up at Vicar Street, but a few jokes will go a long way. Think cheeky, not savage. You want the room laughing with you, not shifting uncomfortably in their chairs. If you want to remain friends with the groom (and the bride!), don’t embarrass him in front of everyone he knows and loves.
What not to say:
- Avoid ex-girlfriends. Always.
- Don’t slag the bride. Not even a little.
- The stag weekend in Dingle? It happened, but you’re not doing a live retelling.
- Anything that’d get you in trouble if the roles were reversed.
What to say:
- Pick a few of the groom’s quirks: his weird laugh, his dodgy fashion, his obsession with GAA.
- Lightly roast his hobbies (unless he’s into MMA, we don’t want you to get a beating).
- Praise the bride for her patience, her good looks, and for not running away.
Example mid-speech zingers:
- ‘Mary, you’re a wonderful woman. You deserve a man who’s kind, thoughtful, and dependable. Sadly, you’ve married John instead.’
Sincere Moments: Time to Get Mushy (Just a Bit)
Once you’ve had a laugh, it’s time to dial it in for a minute. Tell the room about your friendship with the groom. The first time you met, some of the scrapes you’ve got into, how you watched him grow into the handsome fella he is today.
Throw in a line about how you knew he was serious when he met the bride. Maybe he actually showered before a date for once. Or started using proper plates instead of takeaway containers. That sort of thing.
Example:
‘John and I have known each other for over 15 years. Through dodgy haircuts, wild nights, heartbreaks, and hangovers. But I’ve never seen him smile the way he does when he looks at Mary. That’s how I knew he’d found the one.’
10 Tips to Absolutely Nail Your Best Man Speech
- Stay (Mostly) Sober – Dutch courage is fine. Ten pints isn’t. You don’t want to be remembered for slurring your words.
- Keep it PG – His mad uncle’s in the crowd. Maybe even a priest. Someone always has an aunt that’s a nun. No dodgy stories.
- Write It Down – Don’t wing it. This isn’t Leaving Cert English. You need notes.
- Practice – In front of the mirror, your dog, your housemates. Anyone.
- Open With a Bang – A solid joke or warm thank you gets everyone on side.
- Mind Your Language – Keep it clean and classy. This isn’t the pub.
- Big Up the Bride – Not just ‘she’s stunning’, talk about her wit, kindness, and what she brings out in the groom.
- Toast With Style – Stand tall, raise your glass properly, and speak clearly.
- Know Your Audience – This isn’t just the lads. There are grannies and flower girls.
- Enjoy It – You’re not getting graded. Have a laugh, raise a glass, and soak it all in.
One Last Best Man Toast
When all’s said and done, this is about your best mate and his new wife. Whether you sent him off in style with a stag party in Dingle, full of craic and coastal pints, or had a mad night out in Galway, this is the big day. Your job is to help celebrate it properly.
So, raise a glass and close your speech strong:
‘Ladies and gents, to John and Mary. May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old-fashioned enough to last forever.’
Jokes to finish off your best man speech
- ‘If you could keep the clapping and yelling to a minimum today, I would appreciate it as I have a horrible hangover. I know it’s irresponsible to drink before such a big occasion, but I couldn’t let the groom drink alone.’
- ‘I leave you with this thought, John, for marriage, the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.’
- ‘Remember, John, that it doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.’
And if all else fails, steal a speech off Google, rehearse it until you’re blue in the face, and deliver it like it was written just for them.
Need help planning that unforgettable stag weekend? Check out our stag party packages. Whether it’s the wild nights of Galway, the medieval charm of Kilkenny, or the seaside serenity of Dingle, we’ve got you sorted. And we’ll make sure the only thing you have to stress about is finding a pen to write that speech.
Sláinte, lads.
So lads, don’t forget to check out our website and also follow us on Facebook if you’re looking for more information for your Stag Party. Whether it’s activities, locations, ideas or tips, we’ve got it all!
